Once apon a time there was a man
His name was Sam
He was born apon a pile of spam in a can
Occasionally, he would smell of roast ham.
I dunno how to explain it, considering the lack of tan.
But we loved him anyways, he was such a cute little lamb.
One day he wanted to wipe the world of emo, here was his plan:
"Make like a Japanese school boy and cram!"
He would yell across to their clan.
We later found out
that instead of the usual pout
The Emo began about
A very disturbing practice with out a doubt
"NO! Oh god! I didn't mean like that!" he would shout.
And he would repeatedly strike himself with a trout.
Seeing this daring act
The Emo returned once more to their usual pact
On and on it went until their wrists were no longer intact.
Apon seeing this and his failure, Sam's Giraffe was later sacked.
When a story turns for the worse it's only right it introduce
The new top leader in produce!
Orange.
(DAMN-ange)
Well the story is not all doomed aside from that last note
Because now, I've given Sam a boat!
While pulling on his pink frilly coat,
He began to wonder how he would go about his next smote.
Meanwhile the emos continued to do as I wrote.
Currently, they were slitting each others throats!
This reminded Sam of his many pals.
So he summoned a pumpkin, oh what a gal!
She was spicey, she was dicey, and she had one hell of a kick.
She rode up fast in her orange clad Buick.
The stereo was on and techno was the music.
Her weapon of choice: A rusty toothpic.
I'm not gonna lie
The emos weren't scared, they wanted to die.
They even dared to make silly faces as they ran by.
Oh my!
They just spanked a horse, now Rachel was pissed.
"I'll cut you like an Emo!" She dissed.
Suddenly she was perplexed, as they disappeared in too a teary emo mist.
In a rage she cursed right down the list.
"Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck a Donald Duck!"
Sam was sad, I mean that's just bad luck.
Rachel's the best, everyone else is the suck.
He sent her away
and he moved to Tampa Bay
He got fatter and fatter on Fondu and Falay
Whilst on his binge he discovered the evil of bacon.
The streaks in the meat began to remind him, and he wondered where the emo were taken.
Deidcated to finding this truth he sought out a Jamacian.
He told him of unicorns, rainbows, and lepracauns.
Sam even picked up some tips on decorating his lawn.
When he got all he needed, he bid him so long.
Than the Jamacian went back to playing ping pong.
Let's hope he's not wrong
We want those Emos gone
And off he goes 'mon!
All of a sudden a Ninja sprung out of the trees
and drop kicked Sam in the back of the knees!
He was out cold, catchin' some Z's
The Ninja was crazy and roared in bloodlust
when Megan the pirate appeared in disgust
"Give me my money, you son of a bitch!"
The Ninja than skillfully rolled into a ditch
Megan ran after without a second glance
while the Ninja began the ancient fruitloop dance.
Megan was confused
and Sam still lay there quite abused
When the Ninja disappeared, very much amused.
Megan ran after
trying to get there faster
While Sam lay alone once more
He awoke quiet suddenly when he heard noise from the shore
It was the Emos! In all their splendor and lore
Determined to end this now he let out a throaty roar.
But was silenced once more by a beating with a door.
"Grr!" He muttered aghast.
when he woke up again atlast
when will this end?
will there be more suffering at the continuity of this trend?
(INCOMPLETE since 2006)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Intended Poetry of Fuckery.
I fully intend to make this a fucked up blog entry.
I feel really whoosh right now. Like...just go along with it.
I'm gonna try to write the dumbest poem in the century.
His name was Henry btw. He smoked Pineapples.
Now before you all judge [insert ryme here]
His mom was a dolphin, and his dad was Raviolie
He married his cat, and had 12 Rolie-Olies.
I did not make this up, that is a show.
On the Disney network, now go suck my toe.
One day, when he was walking along.
He saw a great big Gorilla wearing a tight purple thong.
"Omageez!" He exclaimed, "What could that be?!"
"My name is Mattmann" It said, "Now clean up my pee!!"
Frightened and scared and all those other things
Henry ran away fast, and found a table of kings.
One, two, three, four, these kings smelt like moose.
Five, six, seven, eight, look at me! I rap like Dr. Suess!
They, the kings, a table of eight.
All sat around and played chess "Checkmate!"
"Wow can I play?" Henry said," I'm the best that can be!"
"No, you drive trains, now clean up our pee!!"
Frightened and scared and all those other words.
Henry ran away fast, when he fell into a horde of birds!
They squack, they snatch, and they snack on your spleen.
If it wasn't for them your room would not remain clean.
I'm getting quite tired, i do not know where I'm going with this.
I should end it soon, and no! I shall not clean up your piss!
Too end this quick, lets make this dramatic.
Henry cut them and stuffed them and hid them in his attic.
When the police came, looking for the birds
all they found was great big piles of pineapple turds.
"What have you been growing here?" They wondered aloud.
"Pineapples! Now together we can reach the clouds!"
So together, they were all happy.
Until they all OD'd, yes i know, this is crappy.
But this is my story, and I'm sticking with it.
and I don't care if you liked it one bit.
Please leave a comment, I know you want to.
Or Mattmann will get you, and he'll eat your shoe.
(2006)
I feel really whoosh right now. Like...just go along with it.
I'm gonna try to write the dumbest poem in the century.
His name was Henry btw. He smoked Pineapples.
Now before you all judge [insert ryme here]
His mom was a dolphin, and his dad was Raviolie
He married his cat, and had 12 Rolie-Olies.
I did not make this up, that is a show.
On the Disney network, now go suck my toe.
One day, when he was walking along.
He saw a great big Gorilla wearing a tight purple thong.
"Omageez!" He exclaimed, "What could that be?!"
"My name is Mattmann" It said, "Now clean up my pee!!"
Frightened and scared and all those other things
Henry ran away fast, and found a table of kings.
One, two, three, four, these kings smelt like moose.
Five, six, seven, eight, look at me! I rap like Dr. Suess!
They, the kings, a table of eight.
All sat around and played chess "Checkmate!"
"Wow can I play?" Henry said," I'm the best that can be!"
"No, you drive trains, now clean up our pee!!"
Frightened and scared and all those other words.
Henry ran away fast, when he fell into a horde of birds!
They squack, they snatch, and they snack on your spleen.
If it wasn't for them your room would not remain clean.
I'm getting quite tired, i do not know where I'm going with this.
I should end it soon, and no! I shall not clean up your piss!
Too end this quick, lets make this dramatic.
Henry cut them and stuffed them and hid them in his attic.
When the police came, looking for the birds
all they found was great big piles of pineapple turds.
"What have you been growing here?" They wondered aloud.
"Pineapples! Now together we can reach the clouds!"
So together, they were all happy.
Until they all OD'd, yes i know, this is crappy.
But this is my story, and I'm sticking with it.
and I don't care if you liked it one bit.
Please leave a comment, I know you want to.
Or Mattmann will get you, and he'll eat your shoe.
(2006)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Meet the Cast of AW
ODNURG: Hellllooo Portayvon! Today we are proud to--
Grundo: Wait, we're on Portayvon? Since when? It's the most unoriginal, stupidest…
ODNURG: OMGIT'SAWORKINPROGESSSTFU.
Grundo: K.
ODNURG: Anyway, as I was saying earlier before I was rudely interrupted…
Grundo: >:[
ODNURG: We have the cast of Another World here for a special interview to help us all learn more about this…fascinating…project.
Grundo: Uhh. Right. So the cast issss?
ODNURG: Without further ado, let me introduce you too-..well, you know him already, Max Silverlight!
Max Silverlight: Well, not really…we never did finish my first interv--
ODNURG: Next we have the lovely Demi Vastille!
Demi Vastille: Unfortunately of course.
ODNURG:…right, and than we have a newcomer with us today, Angel!
Angel: …
ODNURG: And last but not least we have--uh, what the hell does this say? Damnit, Esod. *Grumbling* Why are we doing this thing if it's not figured out already…they don't provide me enough Mountain Dew for this shit…
LOLWORKINPROGESS: Is that my name? Wow…
Grundo: *Ahem* Well, as it has been stated a few times earlier…Esod really doesn't have much figured out yet…and this is her pathetic attempt to brainstorm.
ODNURG: Shhh. Don't let her hear you, or she'll force us to act in a Digimon/Harvest Moon mad roleplay crossover!
Grundo: o.o
Demi Vastille: :O
Angel: Omg…
Max Silverlight: *cries* It's already happened to meee…
ODNURG: Hahaha. Sick. Anyways, why don't one of you tell us a little bit about the setting of this thing?
LOLWORKINPROGESS: Well, from what I've heard…it's still a work in progress…
ODNURG: …….*Proceeds to attempt strangulation on self with a hair dryer*
Grundo: Okay, while that's going on, Angel, since we don't know you at all, how about telling us a little about yourself?
Angel: My name is absolutely horrendous and I refuse to star in this thing unless it is changed to something far more respectable and original.
Demi Vastille: Pffft. Like what, Max Silverlight?
Max Silverlight: Hey! I've had this name for 6 years! Six long years…
Demi Vastille: And it's so gary-stu of you that Microsoft named a program after you!
Max Silverlight: Wait, what?
Demi Vastille: Yeap. You're infringing on copyright mister.
Bill Gates owns this: OH MY GOD is nothing my own?
ODNURG: Lol no.
Angel: …apparently I'm skilled in some sort of hand-to-hand combat. How this plays out in the end, I'm not sure. I'm also introverted, could give a rats ass about any one of you, enjoy reading, and I'm female.
Grundo: Oh, yeah! The interview, uh so, how did you meet the rest of the cast?
Angel: In the warehouse where Esod keeps us all locked up and only feeds us once a week wherein the meals consist mostly of Miley Cyrus's vocal cords.
Grundo: Nooo.No. I meant in the story?
ODNURG: You guys get her vocal cords? Man, we get fed her father's goate…
Grundo: Moar lyke, goatse am I right?
Angel: …we were raised in the same training school apparently. What this has to do with anything I don't know.
ODNURG: lmfaobbq, the goate is a lie.
Grundo: Laaaaaaaawl.
Angel: …*Sigh*
Demi Vastille: Well this interview officially sucks, when can I go home?
ODNURG: Ah, right! So Max, how did you get roped into this one eh?
Max Silverlight: They were strong ropes…to strong to break out of…
Grundo: Awww. So being overused is no biggie to you anymore right? You'll be the lead male again for the bazillionth time! Most likely paired off romantically with Demi I'm assuming…
Demi Vastille: FUCK NO.
Grundo: ..and than when this thing is all said and done, you've got another million stories to be involved with later right?
Max Silverlight: Can I just…not, be in this one?
Everyone: lololololololol no.
Max Silverlight: :C
Grundo: Wait, we're on Portayvon? Since when? It's the most unoriginal, stupidest…
ODNURG: OMGIT'SAWORKINPROGESSSTFU.
Grundo: K.
ODNURG: Anyway, as I was saying earlier before I was rudely interrupted…
Grundo: >:[
ODNURG: We have the cast of Another World here for a special interview to help us all learn more about this…fascinating…project.
Grundo: Uhh. Right. So the cast issss?
ODNURG: Without further ado, let me introduce you too-..well, you know him already, Max Silverlight!
Max Silverlight: Well, not really…we never did finish my first interv--
ODNURG: Next we have the lovely Demi Vastille!
Demi Vastille: Unfortunately of course.
ODNURG:…right, and than we have a newcomer with us today, Angel!
Angel: …
ODNURG: And last but not least we have--uh, what the hell does this say? Damnit, Esod. *Grumbling* Why are we doing this thing if it's not figured out already…they don't provide me enough Mountain Dew for this shit…
LOLWORKINPROGESS: Is that my name? Wow…
Grundo: *Ahem* Well, as it has been stated a few times earlier…Esod really doesn't have much figured out yet…and this is her pathetic attempt to brainstorm.
ODNURG: Shhh. Don't let her hear you, or she'll force us to act in a Digimon/Harvest Moon mad roleplay crossover!
Grundo: o.o
Demi Vastille: :O
Angel: Omg…
Max Silverlight: *cries* It's already happened to meee…
ODNURG: Hahaha. Sick. Anyways, why don't one of you tell us a little bit about the setting of this thing?
LOLWORKINPROGESS: Well, from what I've heard…it's still a work in progress…
ODNURG: …….*Proceeds to attempt strangulation on self with a hair dryer*
Grundo: Okay, while that's going on, Angel, since we don't know you at all, how about telling us a little about yourself?
Angel: My name is absolutely horrendous and I refuse to star in this thing unless it is changed to something far more respectable and original.
Demi Vastille: Pffft. Like what, Max Silverlight?
Max Silverlight: Hey! I've had this name for 6 years! Six long years…
Demi Vastille: And it's so gary-stu of you that Microsoft named a program after you!
Max Silverlight: Wait, what?
Demi Vastille: Yeap. You're infringing on copyright mister.
Bill Gates owns this: OH MY GOD is nothing my own?
ODNURG: Lol no.
Angel: …apparently I'm skilled in some sort of hand-to-hand combat. How this plays out in the end, I'm not sure. I'm also introverted, could give a rats ass about any one of you, enjoy reading, and I'm female.
Grundo: Oh, yeah! The interview, uh so, how did you meet the rest of the cast?
Angel: In the warehouse where Esod keeps us all locked up and only feeds us once a week wherein the meals consist mostly of Miley Cyrus's vocal cords.
Grundo: Nooo.No. I meant in the story?
ODNURG: You guys get her vocal cords? Man, we get fed her father's goate…
Grundo: Moar lyke, goatse am I right?
Angel: …we were raised in the same training school apparently. What this has to do with anything I don't know.
ODNURG: lmfaobbq, the goate is a lie.
Grundo: Laaaaaaaawl.
Angel: …*Sigh*
Demi Vastille: Well this interview officially sucks, when can I go home?
ODNURG: Ah, right! So Max, how did you get roped into this one eh?
Max Silverlight: They were strong ropes…to strong to break out of…
Grundo: Awww. So being overused is no biggie to you anymore right? You'll be the lead male again for the bazillionth time! Most likely paired off romantically with Demi I'm assuming…
Demi Vastille: FUCK NO.
Grundo: ..and than when this thing is all said and done, you've got another million stories to be involved with later right?
Max Silverlight: Can I just…not, be in this one?
Everyone: lololololololol no.
Max Silverlight: :C
Thursday, May 28, 2009
IOM- Chekov's Gun.
"Alright, Sally is it? Let me just scan your card please, then we'll let you on through."
The women nodded and gave the security guard a shy smile. Her eyes, which were covered by black frames, never left the floor. The guard could not help but steal a couple of glances her way while he scanned her card. He was somewhat fascinated by her inherent likability. She seemed to be slightly awkward, fidgeting with her hands and slightly bouncing on her heels, nibbling her bottom lip as she looked around uncomfortably. She came off as one of those quirky brainiacs who wouldn't hurt a fly but wouldn't know how to talk to one either. He smiled to himself as he looked away, about to push the button to let her on through when the screen in front of him flashed red. Her I.D. card had been denied.
"Hmm."
The guard flipped the card between his fingers, glancing briefly at the information. Sally Cahill, Clearance level B, Administrative. Nothing out of the ordinary, although it was an unusually high clearance level for someone just starting out. He wouldn't use the term 'paranoid' but the facility tended to cater to those who had established trust with the company. All completely understandable on their end of course. Maybe she had ties with a different branch of the company; she looked smart enough to have been employed for a couple of years previously.
The women looked up at him, blinking absentmindedly before asking in a soft casual voice, "Is there anything wrong?"
The guard looked at the card again before holding it up for her to see.
"It appears your I.D. card didn't go through with the system…." He replied. Catching the flush of her cheeks and the way her face contorted into despair, he quickly added," But don't worry. If you're new, I suppose the system just hasn't updated yet or something."
Her hand forcibly shook as she pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose, her cheeks still pink with embarrassment. She could barely contain the quiver in her voice, "I-I'm not going to be late am I?"
Suddenly her eyes widened, and her voice rose in panic, "Oh no, please, not on my first day." She wasn't talking to him in particular at this point, wringing her hands nervously as she continued," This is just great. Just perfect. Way to make a good first impression, Sally. God if I even still have the job after this It'll be a miracle."
The guard was a little taken aback by her sudden change from shy and awkward to visibly distraught. He supposed it all had to do with the heightened nerves of the First Day. He remembered those days almost fondly, how uncomfortable it was to walk into a brand new environment and new people. Without any established relationships, one could feel alone and isolated from everyone else. Something told him this woman was probably all too aware of this and was understandably scared.
He couldn't help but chuckle at how much he indentified with this poor girl. She gave him a curious look before he quickly reassured her, "Ah, sorry. It's just, you remind me of me on my First Day. I didn't have any problems with my card, but I kept setting off the metal detector before I realized I had a spare key in my back pocket. Jesus, the guy looked like he was ready to rip my head off. Probably thought I was concealing something dangerous and was getting all worked up." He chuckled again, and the women forced a small shaky smile.
"Listen, I'll just punch you through kiddo. Lord knows you'll probably have bigger things to worry about today." He smiled brightly at her as he handed the card back, ushering her through the gate.
She fumbled with the card in her hands and nodded appreciatively, flashing him a warm smile as she walked through.
"Thank you so much, you don't know how much you saved me just now."
He couldn't help but swell proudly at this. The thought of making her day pushed him on.
"No problem, you have a good day now, you hear? Our first days always start off on the wrong foot, but they always get better. You'll see."
She nodded again and waved merrily at him, "I will! Thanks again!"
The guard looked like he was about to say something else, but the women walked on. It wasn't until she was successfully out of view that she let her smile drop. Her eyes lost their sparkle, replaced by a new determination. Her whole body relaxed, swaying as she moved, losing the uptight awkwardness of before. The first move had been played, and Ada already grew weary. She was tired of the game, no longer finding amusement in the way she was able to mold people's behavior to benefit the outcome. Now all she was left with was an uncomfortable feeling that she was only starting to get used to.
What's this Ada, concerned for the poor fellow? Sure, he appeared to be decent enough, but decent people would never find themselves involved with all of this. Just hope for the poor bastard’s sake he wizes up and gets himself off this godforsaken island before it’s too late.
Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about playing him if my I.D. card didn't nearly blow my cover.
She would deal with the operative responsible for that little screw up later. She was all for playing the innocent naïve girl, but she always hated having to take it up a notch to full on 'incompetently unaware' and thus helpless. If there was one thing about Ada that always remained consistent, it was her unshakeable pride. And having to cover up for someone else's mistakes never sat well with her either.
...
INCOMPLETE
((2009))
The women nodded and gave the security guard a shy smile. Her eyes, which were covered by black frames, never left the floor. The guard could not help but steal a couple of glances her way while he scanned her card. He was somewhat fascinated by her inherent likability. She seemed to be slightly awkward, fidgeting with her hands and slightly bouncing on her heels, nibbling her bottom lip as she looked around uncomfortably. She came off as one of those quirky brainiacs who wouldn't hurt a fly but wouldn't know how to talk to one either. He smiled to himself as he looked away, about to push the button to let her on through when the screen in front of him flashed red. Her I.D. card had been denied.
"Hmm."
The guard flipped the card between his fingers, glancing briefly at the information. Sally Cahill, Clearance level B, Administrative. Nothing out of the ordinary, although it was an unusually high clearance level for someone just starting out. He wouldn't use the term 'paranoid' but the facility tended to cater to those who had established trust with the company. All completely understandable on their end of course. Maybe she had ties with a different branch of the company; she looked smart enough to have been employed for a couple of years previously.
The women looked up at him, blinking absentmindedly before asking in a soft casual voice, "Is there anything wrong?"
The guard looked at the card again before holding it up for her to see.
"It appears your I.D. card didn't go through with the system…." He replied. Catching the flush of her cheeks and the way her face contorted into despair, he quickly added," But don't worry. If you're new, I suppose the system just hasn't updated yet or something."
Her hand forcibly shook as she pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose, her cheeks still pink with embarrassment. She could barely contain the quiver in her voice, "I-I'm not going to be late am I?"
Suddenly her eyes widened, and her voice rose in panic, "Oh no, please, not on my first day." She wasn't talking to him in particular at this point, wringing her hands nervously as she continued," This is just great. Just perfect. Way to make a good first impression, Sally. God if I even still have the job after this It'll be a miracle."
The guard was a little taken aback by her sudden change from shy and awkward to visibly distraught. He supposed it all had to do with the heightened nerves of the First Day. He remembered those days almost fondly, how uncomfortable it was to walk into a brand new environment and new people. Without any established relationships, one could feel alone and isolated from everyone else. Something told him this woman was probably all too aware of this and was understandably scared.
He couldn't help but chuckle at how much he indentified with this poor girl. She gave him a curious look before he quickly reassured her, "Ah, sorry. It's just, you remind me of me on my First Day. I didn't have any problems with my card, but I kept setting off the metal detector before I realized I had a spare key in my back pocket. Jesus, the guy looked like he was ready to rip my head off. Probably thought I was concealing something dangerous and was getting all worked up." He chuckled again, and the women forced a small shaky smile.
"Listen, I'll just punch you through kiddo. Lord knows you'll probably have bigger things to worry about today." He smiled brightly at her as he handed the card back, ushering her through the gate.
She fumbled with the card in her hands and nodded appreciatively, flashing him a warm smile as she walked through.
"Thank you so much, you don't know how much you saved me just now."
He couldn't help but swell proudly at this. The thought of making her day pushed him on.
"No problem, you have a good day now, you hear? Our first days always start off on the wrong foot, but they always get better. You'll see."
She nodded again and waved merrily at him, "I will! Thanks again!"
The guard looked like he was about to say something else, but the women walked on. It wasn't until she was successfully out of view that she let her smile drop. Her eyes lost their sparkle, replaced by a new determination. Her whole body relaxed, swaying as she moved, losing the uptight awkwardness of before. The first move had been played, and Ada already grew weary. She was tired of the game, no longer finding amusement in the way she was able to mold people's behavior to benefit the outcome. Now all she was left with was an uncomfortable feeling that she was only starting to get used to.
What's this Ada, concerned for the poor fellow? Sure, he appeared to be decent enough, but decent people would never find themselves involved with all of this. Just hope for the poor bastard’s sake he wizes up and gets himself off this godforsaken island before it’s too late.
Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about playing him if my I.D. card didn't nearly blow my cover.
She would deal with the operative responsible for that little screw up later. She was all for playing the innocent naïve girl, but she always hated having to take it up a notch to full on 'incompetently unaware' and thus helpless. If there was one thing about Ada that always remained consistent, it was her unshakeable pride. And having to cover up for someone else's mistakes never sat well with her either.
...
INCOMPLETE
((2009))
TODM- First draft 2007.
“There had been a huge rumble that spread throughout the entire ship. At the time I didn’t understand what had happened. I was so young. I figured…it was a bump in the hyperspace or something…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping into an orange mist that rose up from the dusty ground, a lone figure stood examining the waste that lay before it. A strong scent of copper filled the air as the figure began to walk amoung the wreckage. Every step that was taken arrived at many corpses, all that were battered at the cost of an unknown bloodshed. The figure than stopped, basking in the smell and silent chaos that eminated from the recent carnage, laughing as it carried off alone into the unknown. Suddenly, without warning, a sharp surgical charge forced it’s way from below, wafting amoung the dead, bringing light to what had occurred, fueling a rage…-
Pandora awoke with a start, wiping cold sweat from her brow and looking around for whatever had jarred her awake. Her answer came with another shake from the vessel, this time also awakening the alarm system on her father’s ship to scream at her in defiance.
Slightly irritated, Pandora rolled over, wishing to fall back to sleep, covering her own ears in layers of soft fluffy pillows.
That stupid alarm, Pandora thought angrily, always going off at the slightest disturbance. I was having such a strange dream…
Cursing the pilot, Pandora closed her eyes once more, trying to recall what she had seen. It was so sinister…and she couldn’t help but be drawn to it. It had almost felt like she had actually been there, like it was actually-
Real. Pandora finished, pressing two fingers against a lightly throbbing pain on the side of her head.
The alarm continued to scream, this time accompanied by another rumble and hurried footsteps outside her door. Pandora sat up eagerly, a small twinge of fear spreading through her body. Surely they would have been out of this by now…
More footsteps ran by, this time Pandora didn’t stop to analyze it. Sweeping her bare feet across her bed and touching down on the cold chrom floor, she threw on a light blue night gown that matched perfectly with her sparkling blue eyes. Decision made, Pandora flung open the door and dashed out into the hall.
There were few people running, all in the same direction as more hurried others began to scramble out of their rooms, a look of utter confusion on all of their faces.
“What’s going on?!” One shrill women asked seemingly to the flashing red light of warning in the bending halls. There was no reply, however, as more people were swept up in the chaos of those abandoning their shelters.
Pandora stood in the middle of the hall, as people pushed by screaming. The sound echoing in her ears, as another jar from the ship caused a frantic scramble of electrical current to crawl amoung the walls. And just was her heart suddenly sped up, pounding her veins with adrenaline and fear, the lights went out.
“What in the bloody hell is going on?” She managed to shreik as one last body brushed past.
With the darkness came silence. Her skin crawling and heart pounding wildly in her throat, Pandora gradually shuffled away in the direction she knew to be the main deck.
She began to shiver, as her bare feet tredged the chilling floor. Holding her night gown close to her small body she froze, her eyes catching a flicker of electric output as the power struggled to work. Shaking her head of the vision she thought she had seen in that breif moment of light, she took another step on her journey for answers.
Something warm and sticky crawled between her toes. Pausing again, Pandora tried desperately to see what she had stumbled apon. She tried not to let her mind wander to far, closing her eyes and nibbling her lower lip, she couldn’t bare to handle what she knew in her pulsating heart to be true.
And than she heard it. The sound of a powerful weapon, than followed by a resounding thud somewhere in front of her. She could barely breathe as the air ran from her lungs in terror as she quickly dropped to her hands and knees. Her body shook uncontrollably as she once again felt the same warm and sticky substnace under hands and legs, it’s identity now brutally confirmed.
The ground around her felt like it was falling away beneath her, as she desperately tried to regulate her breathing and calm down. Her lungs were working furiously against her and Pandora feared with all certainty that whomever had fired that weapon could hear as well as she, the blood pounding in her ears, throbbing away at any courage she once had apon folded out before Pandora, her head unwillingly met the hard floor, and she was greeted once more by darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the second time that day, Pandora awoke with a lingering dream. This one wasn’t any different from the last either. Someone was dead, she didn’t know who or what. Everything was dark and strange and…oh wait.
When she opened her eyes she found herself to be in a place of unfamiliarity. It was near empty, with almost no home décor to speak of. What was present in the small rectangular room, was none all to drab. She had awoken on someone else’s lumpy mat and cluttered around her were boxes full of unknown contents that altogether made her uneasy.
And that’s when the headache arrived.
Instinctively, she brought a shaky hand to her head, only to feel the stickiness again. Looking down on her hand as she drew it back and disentangled it from her hair, she saw the deep shade of red that had once been on the floor of her father’s ship.
She took in a deep rattling breath as she realized she was no longer on her father’s ship, The Messenger. Not to mention the fact that she was covered in someone else’s blood.
The thought alone should freak her out to no end, but she couldn’t help but feel far to tired to focus on the entirety of the situation. Since Pandora was a young girl the littlest things could spawn a tantrum that the whole planet could feel. Once when she was playing in the quiet meadow behind her home, she had only just been running through the tall grass when her childhood friend Max, who was hiding at the time, snuck up on her and pushed her screaming to the ground. She screamed for what felt like hours until her mother finally came running and gracefully scooped her daughter in her arms. He mother was the only one who could ever calm her down.
To now sit silently after all that had happened in what seemed such a short time, frightened her a little. She knew that the person she left back on The Messenger would not nearly be as calm as she felt now.
As she sat silently in the room, her mind wandered freely. What had happened? Why was she still alive? Does her father yet know of what occurred only so long ago? Would he come for her, or had he already?
She knew deep down there wasn’t much to rely on when it came to her father. He was selfish, a big talker who only protected his own interests at hand, which apparently did not include Pandora or her mother. For as long as she remembered, her father’s priority was first and foremost: politics. He would spend nearly all day spent in his private chambers, in complete secrecy, with only his most trusted assisstants. This left only Pandora and her mother together, shut out of her father’s life. Always hoping that on day he would let them in.
Pandora thought that it would always be just her and her mother. Thinking back on it now, she tensed, clenching her fists and pressing her lips together to form a tight line of distress.
She would never forgive her mother.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard stubtle footfalls arriving closer to the door that held her in the room she waited.
Come to think of it, did I even TRY the door? Pandora closed her eyes and groaned to herself. Obviously the strain of whatever seemed to be happening to her lately had caused her to lose all common sense. Or, you know, common sense would be to assume the door was heavily bolted or barraged to keep even the little tantrum girl she only just used to be inside…
I could have atleast tried…She mumbled, while the footsteps stopped outside her door.
“Oh hell…” Escaped her lips as she turned, annoyed as the door opened with ease, apparently with no hinderance whatsoever.
The door swung open slowly, and there left standing was a young man who appeared to be the same age as she. He had shaggy sandy blonde hair that stretched past his eyebrows only just hiding the very top of his eyes, which surprisingly enough, carried a boyish innocence that was left dancing in their deep blue hues…He held himself with a casualness that was almost arrogant, a sly smirk playing across his lips as he gazed at her.
“Funny, I’d imagine my first princess to be somewhat more…graceful perhaps?” He closed his eyes a moment and shook his head, still smiling.
A new realization hit Pandora, as fear began to trickle quickly down her neck.
Startled, she babbled,”If you touch me…I-I swear I’ll-”
“What? Call Daddy on me?” He laughed a little as she shut her mouth and looked at him questioningly.
“Besides…” He began reaching into the pocket of his vest and pulling out an exotic looking fruit, “you’re not really my type. I prefer the low maintenance kind of girls.”
“Okay so…” Pandora paused as she watched him take a bite out of the bulbous purple fruit, the site of the citrus reminding her stomach that it had yet to be fed.
“Hmm.” He swallowed,” Wondering why I suppose? Actually, you weren’t originally part of the plan. Imagine our surprise when we hit your father’s ship and found you aboard. Honestly, we never thought he’d be that stupid…especially after all the threats we made. He must not have cared for you that much, to leave you so unprotected like that. Ah well, that just means more of a reward for me.”
This was all news to Pandora as she stared at him, wide-eyed. “I didn’t hear about any threats.”
...
((2006-2007))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping into an orange mist that rose up from the dusty ground, a lone figure stood examining the waste that lay before it. A strong scent of copper filled the air as the figure began to walk amoung the wreckage. Every step that was taken arrived at many corpses, all that were battered at the cost of an unknown bloodshed. The figure than stopped, basking in the smell and silent chaos that eminated from the recent carnage, laughing as it carried off alone into the unknown. Suddenly, without warning, a sharp surgical charge forced it’s way from below, wafting amoung the dead, bringing light to what had occurred, fueling a rage…-
Pandora awoke with a start, wiping cold sweat from her brow and looking around for whatever had jarred her awake. Her answer came with another shake from the vessel, this time also awakening the alarm system on her father’s ship to scream at her in defiance.
Slightly irritated, Pandora rolled over, wishing to fall back to sleep, covering her own ears in layers of soft fluffy pillows.
That stupid alarm, Pandora thought angrily, always going off at the slightest disturbance. I was having such a strange dream…
Cursing the pilot, Pandora closed her eyes once more, trying to recall what she had seen. It was so sinister…and she couldn’t help but be drawn to it. It had almost felt like she had actually been there, like it was actually-
Real. Pandora finished, pressing two fingers against a lightly throbbing pain on the side of her head.
The alarm continued to scream, this time accompanied by another rumble and hurried footsteps outside her door. Pandora sat up eagerly, a small twinge of fear spreading through her body. Surely they would have been out of this by now…
More footsteps ran by, this time Pandora didn’t stop to analyze it. Sweeping her bare feet across her bed and touching down on the cold chrom floor, she threw on a light blue night gown that matched perfectly with her sparkling blue eyes. Decision made, Pandora flung open the door and dashed out into the hall.
There were few people running, all in the same direction as more hurried others began to scramble out of their rooms, a look of utter confusion on all of their faces.
“What’s going on?!” One shrill women asked seemingly to the flashing red light of warning in the bending halls. There was no reply, however, as more people were swept up in the chaos of those abandoning their shelters.
Pandora stood in the middle of the hall, as people pushed by screaming. The sound echoing in her ears, as another jar from the ship caused a frantic scramble of electrical current to crawl amoung the walls. And just was her heart suddenly sped up, pounding her veins with adrenaline and fear, the lights went out.
“What in the bloody hell is going on?” She managed to shreik as one last body brushed past.
With the darkness came silence. Her skin crawling and heart pounding wildly in her throat, Pandora gradually shuffled away in the direction she knew to be the main deck.
She began to shiver, as her bare feet tredged the chilling floor. Holding her night gown close to her small body she froze, her eyes catching a flicker of electric output as the power struggled to work. Shaking her head of the vision she thought she had seen in that breif moment of light, she took another step on her journey for answers.
Something warm and sticky crawled between her toes. Pausing again, Pandora tried desperately to see what she had stumbled apon. She tried not to let her mind wander to far, closing her eyes and nibbling her lower lip, she couldn’t bare to handle what she knew in her pulsating heart to be true.
And than she heard it. The sound of a powerful weapon, than followed by a resounding thud somewhere in front of her. She could barely breathe as the air ran from her lungs in terror as she quickly dropped to her hands and knees. Her body shook uncontrollably as she once again felt the same warm and sticky substnace under hands and legs, it’s identity now brutally confirmed.
The ground around her felt like it was falling away beneath her, as she desperately tried to regulate her breathing and calm down. Her lungs were working furiously against her and Pandora feared with all certainty that whomever had fired that weapon could hear as well as she, the blood pounding in her ears, throbbing away at any courage she once had apon folded out before Pandora, her head unwillingly met the hard floor, and she was greeted once more by darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the second time that day, Pandora awoke with a lingering dream. This one wasn’t any different from the last either. Someone was dead, she didn’t know who or what. Everything was dark and strange and…oh wait.
When she opened her eyes she found herself to be in a place of unfamiliarity. It was near empty, with almost no home décor to speak of. What was present in the small rectangular room, was none all to drab. She had awoken on someone else’s lumpy mat and cluttered around her were boxes full of unknown contents that altogether made her uneasy.
And that’s when the headache arrived.
Instinctively, she brought a shaky hand to her head, only to feel the stickiness again. Looking down on her hand as she drew it back and disentangled it from her hair, she saw the deep shade of red that had once been on the floor of her father’s ship.
She took in a deep rattling breath as she realized she was no longer on her father’s ship, The Messenger. Not to mention the fact that she was covered in someone else’s blood.
The thought alone should freak her out to no end, but she couldn’t help but feel far to tired to focus on the entirety of the situation. Since Pandora was a young girl the littlest things could spawn a tantrum that the whole planet could feel. Once when she was playing in the quiet meadow behind her home, she had only just been running through the tall grass when her childhood friend Max, who was hiding at the time, snuck up on her and pushed her screaming to the ground. She screamed for what felt like hours until her mother finally came running and gracefully scooped her daughter in her arms. He mother was the only one who could ever calm her down.
To now sit silently after all that had happened in what seemed such a short time, frightened her a little. She knew that the person she left back on The Messenger would not nearly be as calm as she felt now.
As she sat silently in the room, her mind wandered freely. What had happened? Why was she still alive? Does her father yet know of what occurred only so long ago? Would he come for her, or had he already?
She knew deep down there wasn’t much to rely on when it came to her father. He was selfish, a big talker who only protected his own interests at hand, which apparently did not include Pandora or her mother. For as long as she remembered, her father’s priority was first and foremost: politics. He would spend nearly all day spent in his private chambers, in complete secrecy, with only his most trusted assisstants. This left only Pandora and her mother together, shut out of her father’s life. Always hoping that on day he would let them in.
Pandora thought that it would always be just her and her mother. Thinking back on it now, she tensed, clenching her fists and pressing her lips together to form a tight line of distress.
She would never forgive her mother.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard stubtle footfalls arriving closer to the door that held her in the room she waited.
Come to think of it, did I even TRY the door? Pandora closed her eyes and groaned to herself. Obviously the strain of whatever seemed to be happening to her lately had caused her to lose all common sense. Or, you know, common sense would be to assume the door was heavily bolted or barraged to keep even the little tantrum girl she only just used to be inside…
I could have atleast tried…She mumbled, while the footsteps stopped outside her door.
“Oh hell…” Escaped her lips as she turned, annoyed as the door opened with ease, apparently with no hinderance whatsoever.
The door swung open slowly, and there left standing was a young man who appeared to be the same age as she. He had shaggy sandy blonde hair that stretched past his eyebrows only just hiding the very top of his eyes, which surprisingly enough, carried a boyish innocence that was left dancing in their deep blue hues…He held himself with a casualness that was almost arrogant, a sly smirk playing across his lips as he gazed at her.
“Funny, I’d imagine my first princess to be somewhat more…graceful perhaps?” He closed his eyes a moment and shook his head, still smiling.
A new realization hit Pandora, as fear began to trickle quickly down her neck.
Startled, she babbled,”If you touch me…I-I swear I’ll-”
“What? Call Daddy on me?” He laughed a little as she shut her mouth and looked at him questioningly.
“Besides…” He began reaching into the pocket of his vest and pulling out an exotic looking fruit, “you’re not really my type. I prefer the low maintenance kind of girls.”
“Okay so…” Pandora paused as she watched him take a bite out of the bulbous purple fruit, the site of the citrus reminding her stomach that it had yet to be fed.
“Hmm.” He swallowed,” Wondering why I suppose? Actually, you weren’t originally part of the plan. Imagine our surprise when we hit your father’s ship and found you aboard. Honestly, we never thought he’d be that stupid…especially after all the threats we made. He must not have cared for you that much, to leave you so unprotected like that. Ah well, that just means more of a reward for me.”
This was all news to Pandora as she stared at him, wide-eyed. “I didn’t hear about any threats.”
...
((2006-2007))
Chronicles of a Teenage Moron.
Every great story that has any profound meaning in this world relies on one lasting element of storytelling: The Quest. The first written story ever discovered involves the vigilance of Gilgamesh on his journey for immortality. King Arthur and his fellow knights spent countless years on the search for the Holy Grail. Me? All I have truly ever searched for is the highest of any social implication. The heart and soul of my inner being, the always forgiving and understanding counterpart, my ally against the world, the jelly to my peanut butter; my best friend. I can safely say that though it is of highest yearning that I obtain this being of grandeur, the lengths of which I have been searching have been minimal. Though I want nothing more than the Pooh to my Christopher Robin, Chewbacca to my Han Solo, or the Marie to my Donny Osmond, I have done nothing but scorn at those who have what I do not. Rather than actively solidifying my own friendships, I took up the annoying pretense of jealousy whenever I so much as witnessed two friends comfortable enough to share the same beverage. You may assume than, that I was both far too high-strung, slightly unstable, or a bit of a prat. I’d concede that I just might have been a bit of all three. Thankfully, it is safe to say that I haven’t always been this way and may or may not have once had the super rare best friend already in my possession. I know, shocking. It all started back in 1st grade…
The first day of school is one of those classic moments in life that you know you’re just never going to forget…unfortunately for me, I forgot everything only just a few years later. I suppose, as an oblivious six year old, the inner workings of school life just doesn’t matter all that much. Not to mention that I couldn’t possibly comprehend the fact that all of these years later, my life would STILL be predominately based upon my schooling. That child back in the 1st grade would have found this absolutely ridiculous, and would have thought that the ridiculing of her fellow classmates was far more troublesome.
My hair French braided with my favorite Minnie Mouse binders, the small plaid uniform dress hanging most uncomfortably on my body, and my small hand clutching a pink lunchbox featuring an epic visual of Mickey Mouse, the heroic knight, rescuing Minnie; I entered the beginning of the rest of my life most awkwardly. As I am now, I know I was most shy. I believe I took my seat immediately, possibly escorted by hugs and kisses of encouragement from my mother, which I still treasure accordingly to this day. I didn’t know anyone in class except for the bubbly blonde head of curls sitting somewhere close by. Her name was Rikki, and our mothers had been acquaintances when we went through the same kindergarten school before transferring here though never meeting before now. We became instant friends and were inseparable once the bell for recess sounded.
Though I remember quite clearly how I met Rikki, one case still leaves me quite confused to this day. There was one other similarly quirky character in our class and before I could even consciously recognize what I remember now as a small bespectacled little Asian boy with a precise bowl cut of jet-black hair; Trung had already conquered our hearts and all three of us were instantly one. Perhaps the universe had re-aligned, and our souls were always fated to meet, forever journeying together toward a common path through salvation and peace throughout the world. Or, you know, they both thought my lunchbox was really cool. I know I did.
Since our somewhat less than memorable meeting, the three of us had begun to weave our own world together. Instead of playing soccer with all of the normal kids, we were rather more inclined to open our own snow sculpture shop, act as security guards patrolling the entrance to a giant mountain of ice, and re-enact our favorite episodes of Pokemon. Everyone around us thought we were all a bit bonkers, but we knew the truth; One day very soon, we were going to conquer the world with an army of cheese and then everybody would be sorry.
Unfortunately, our schemes were put to an abrupt standstill when I left the school during the summer before entering 5th grade due to considerably questionable acts by the school’s daycare service. I never got to wish my cohorts good luck or partake in a teary goodbye; instead, I had simply vanished and never showed up on the first day of 5th grade. For all Rikki and Trung could have known, I probably got my letter to Hogwarts as I had always said I would.
After that sudden transition in my life where I entered the public school system full throttle, it seems that I left a part of myself behind. I went through the rest of my middle school years in a daze, with no real friends that I could ever ‘play’ with. I was desperate for somebody, who I could rely on, to journey to that other world with me. Years passed and that world began to fade. I began making my way through life with the support of simple friends, living through an existence where I was merely content, not exactly living up to my old standards. It wasn’t until the fall of my sophomore year of high school that Fate finally stepped in. Once more in service to the greater good of the world and all those poor souls in need of the heroes it once so greatly revered, Fate had finally put it all right. Or, you know, Fate just honestly thought my lunchbox was really cool.
I remember sitting on my computer chair one afternoon staring avidly at the monitor about to check my MySpace like any other day when I clicked curiously on a new pending friend request. Time froze as I stared at the hand drawn profile picture of my would be friend, my heart stopping as my brain insisted that it couldn’t possibly be who I thought it was. For years, he never left my thoughts, always sitting smugly in the back of my mind, waving at me animatedly. I had imagined him on many occasions, even bringing myself to believe that he attended my own school, which wasn’t hard to do seeing as I had not seen the boy in 6 years. But this hand drawn picture…looked exactly how I had imagined the boy would look 6 years later. With a shaky hand, I moved the mouse to the message accompanied by the request and read:
“It’s been quite a few years…
But I hope you remember me!
The gay Asian kid…minus the glasses and some of the fat…
Ring any bells?
It’s Trung!”
I think that moment alone pushed everything back into perspective for me. Within seconds, I was beside myself with tears of pure joy. Suddenly, I was me again. Like a puzzle, you’ve just about completed it but there’s just that one annoying little piece that you have no idea where it went? You’re literally tearing up the house looking for it but it’s no use because your dog has gone and eaten it when you weren’t looking? Trung was that pesky little regurgitated puzzle piece that I was longing for my whole life. Even after the 6 years of absence in each other’s lives, it was as if he was always there. Everything that I was ever looking for, everything that I had ever wanted was sitting there staring me in the face.
So it turned out for me that my quest for a best friend was completely in vain. I was presented with my best friend early on in life just as I hoped I would. I was searching for something specific, not realizing that it was someone not something that I was looking for. My comfort and security was with Trung all this time, and here I was, scorning others when I myself had shared something just as precious and had not realized it until it all came rushing back at me. I have always had a best friend, and he has always been with me in some shape or form. Now when I see two friends planning the takeover of Australia lead by a maniacal force of Ninjas, I can’t help but smile. I have my ally against the world, the jelly to my peanut butter, and all I can hope for is that everyone does too.
((Nov. 2008))
The first day of school is one of those classic moments in life that you know you’re just never going to forget…unfortunately for me, I forgot everything only just a few years later. I suppose, as an oblivious six year old, the inner workings of school life just doesn’t matter all that much. Not to mention that I couldn’t possibly comprehend the fact that all of these years later, my life would STILL be predominately based upon my schooling. That child back in the 1st grade would have found this absolutely ridiculous, and would have thought that the ridiculing of her fellow classmates was far more troublesome.
My hair French braided with my favorite Minnie Mouse binders, the small plaid uniform dress hanging most uncomfortably on my body, and my small hand clutching a pink lunchbox featuring an epic visual of Mickey Mouse, the heroic knight, rescuing Minnie; I entered the beginning of the rest of my life most awkwardly. As I am now, I know I was most shy. I believe I took my seat immediately, possibly escorted by hugs and kisses of encouragement from my mother, which I still treasure accordingly to this day. I didn’t know anyone in class except for the bubbly blonde head of curls sitting somewhere close by. Her name was Rikki, and our mothers had been acquaintances when we went through the same kindergarten school before transferring here though never meeting before now. We became instant friends and were inseparable once the bell for recess sounded.
Though I remember quite clearly how I met Rikki, one case still leaves me quite confused to this day. There was one other similarly quirky character in our class and before I could even consciously recognize what I remember now as a small bespectacled little Asian boy with a precise bowl cut of jet-black hair; Trung had already conquered our hearts and all three of us were instantly one. Perhaps the universe had re-aligned, and our souls were always fated to meet, forever journeying together toward a common path through salvation and peace throughout the world. Or, you know, they both thought my lunchbox was really cool. I know I did.
Since our somewhat less than memorable meeting, the three of us had begun to weave our own world together. Instead of playing soccer with all of the normal kids, we were rather more inclined to open our own snow sculpture shop, act as security guards patrolling the entrance to a giant mountain of ice, and re-enact our favorite episodes of Pokemon. Everyone around us thought we were all a bit bonkers, but we knew the truth; One day very soon, we were going to conquer the world with an army of cheese and then everybody would be sorry.
Unfortunately, our schemes were put to an abrupt standstill when I left the school during the summer before entering 5th grade due to considerably questionable acts by the school’s daycare service. I never got to wish my cohorts good luck or partake in a teary goodbye; instead, I had simply vanished and never showed up on the first day of 5th grade. For all Rikki and Trung could have known, I probably got my letter to Hogwarts as I had always said I would.
After that sudden transition in my life where I entered the public school system full throttle, it seems that I left a part of myself behind. I went through the rest of my middle school years in a daze, with no real friends that I could ever ‘play’ with. I was desperate for somebody, who I could rely on, to journey to that other world with me. Years passed and that world began to fade. I began making my way through life with the support of simple friends, living through an existence where I was merely content, not exactly living up to my old standards. It wasn’t until the fall of my sophomore year of high school that Fate finally stepped in. Once more in service to the greater good of the world and all those poor souls in need of the heroes it once so greatly revered, Fate had finally put it all right. Or, you know, Fate just honestly thought my lunchbox was really cool.
I remember sitting on my computer chair one afternoon staring avidly at the monitor about to check my MySpace like any other day when I clicked curiously on a new pending friend request. Time froze as I stared at the hand drawn profile picture of my would be friend, my heart stopping as my brain insisted that it couldn’t possibly be who I thought it was. For years, he never left my thoughts, always sitting smugly in the back of my mind, waving at me animatedly. I had imagined him on many occasions, even bringing myself to believe that he attended my own school, which wasn’t hard to do seeing as I had not seen the boy in 6 years. But this hand drawn picture…looked exactly how I had imagined the boy would look 6 years later. With a shaky hand, I moved the mouse to the message accompanied by the request and read:
“It’s been quite a few years…
But I hope you remember me!
The gay Asian kid…minus the glasses and some of the fat…
Ring any bells?
It’s Trung!”
I think that moment alone pushed everything back into perspective for me. Within seconds, I was beside myself with tears of pure joy. Suddenly, I was me again. Like a puzzle, you’ve just about completed it but there’s just that one annoying little piece that you have no idea where it went? You’re literally tearing up the house looking for it but it’s no use because your dog has gone and eaten it when you weren’t looking? Trung was that pesky little regurgitated puzzle piece that I was longing for my whole life. Even after the 6 years of absence in each other’s lives, it was as if he was always there. Everything that I was ever looking for, everything that I had ever wanted was sitting there staring me in the face.
So it turned out for me that my quest for a best friend was completely in vain. I was presented with my best friend early on in life just as I hoped I would. I was searching for something specific, not realizing that it was someone not something that I was looking for. My comfort and security was with Trung all this time, and here I was, scorning others when I myself had shared something just as precious and had not realized it until it all came rushing back at me. I have always had a best friend, and he has always been with me in some shape or form. Now when I see two friends planning the takeover of Australia lead by a maniacal force of Ninjas, I can’t help but smile. I have my ally against the world, the jelly to my peanut butter, and all I can hope for is that everyone does too.
((Nov. 2008))
Friday, March 20, 2009
Band Geek Bible
Band Sportsmanship
-If ever there is need for a section wide scapegoat for a humiliating defeat, it will always be the Clarinets. (Actually, the Clarinets are mostly to blame for just about anything; from the weather to the trumpet soloist forgetting her black socks.)
-If your band does not place in a competition, proceed to bitch the entire ride home mostly staking vengence for the poor direction, Clarinets, or the kid two spaces from you who was constantly off step and becoming violently vocal when you are denied this claim.
-If you win, make sure the entire stadium hears your scream, most preferrably rendering any number of them deaf.
-Also, after every performance, sing the school chant upon arriving back at the school. If you won, sing extra loud. If you lost, protest and bitch.
-If the woodwinds did not place best hornline/wind, that is okay. But if Colorgaurd and Percussion did not place best make sure everyone hears about how much you think they suck.
-If ever there is need for a section wide scapegoat for a humiliating defeat, it will always be the Clarinets. (Actually, the Clarinets are mostly to blame for just about anything; from the weather to the trumpet soloist forgetting her black socks.)
-If your band does not place in a competition, proceed to bitch the entire ride home mostly staking vengence for the poor direction, Clarinets, or the kid two spaces from you who was constantly off step and becoming violently vocal when you are denied this claim.
-If you win, make sure the entire stadium hears your scream, most preferrably rendering any number of them deaf.
-Also, after every performance, sing the school chant upon arriving back at the school. If you won, sing extra loud. If you lost, protest and bitch.
-If the woodwinds did not place best hornline/wind, that is okay. But if Colorgaurd and Percussion did not place best make sure everyone hears about how much you think they suck.
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